Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I've come to realize...

Stole this from Andrea @ My Chihiuahua Bites. It's a MeMe, and I figured it might give people slightly more insight into my mind.

I've come to realize that my body is a disaster area. I used to be so proud of it, but now I'm overweight and have the dreaded mommy pooch.

I've come to realize that my job is never ending. No, I dont have a -real- job, but I am the SAHM mom of 3 children.

I've come to realize that when I'm driving I zone out. It's like a little bit of zen. I just tune everything out but the radio and drive.

I've come to realize that I need a housekeeper. I just cant keep up with the housework by myself. I try to keep it tidy, but I fail miserably. 3 kids, 2 dogs, 3 cats alone is too much.

I've come to realize that I hate it when things dont go as planned. I have these ideas in my head and when they dont go how I plan it, I get all frustrated. Plans, vacations, leave, housework, landscaping, anything. If it doesnt go how I envisioned, I get upset.

I've come to realize that if I'm drunk that it probably only took 1 beer. I dont drink often at all.

I've come to realize that money is a commodity that I never have. We did this geobach to save money (which we are doing) but Eric losing sub/sea/pro pay is really hurting our financial outlook.

I've come to realize that certain people are better left in the gutter where they belong. They seem to thrive on drama and discontent. I will never understand the need to make people feel like crap or the need to have drama. Please, get over yourself. We all know you're just a drama llama. (I know you read this blog too, and yes, I'm talking to you.)

I've come to realize that I'll always remember my grandfather. I miss him terribly even to this day. I miss our walks. I miss his songs. I just miss him. I sometimes wonder if things in my life would be better had he lived longer. I wish he could have been there to see me graduate. I wish he could have been there to see my children come into this world. I wish that he could have been there to see me marry Eric. I know Grandpa would be proud of me today. I just wish I could see him.

I've come to realize that my sibling(s) is a drug addict who is never going to get better. He's been through several different rehabs and is still addicted. I know that I'm probably going to bury him before I bury my parents and that thought scares me.

I've come to realize that my mom is the same as my brother. She is a drug addict who is never going to get better. She lives her life working various jobs just long enough to get unemployment saved up. Then leaves and drinks all her money away. After her last delusion, I wrote her out of my life.

I've come to realize that my cell phone is my lifeline. I panic when I misplace it. I am nothing without my phone. It's how I talk to people. It's my calendar, my schedule. It's my life for the most part.

I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning I was alone. That I will be alone for a long time to come. Yes, Eric comes to visit just about every month, but 98% of the time, I am alone. I hate it. Especially because there is no end in sight for this geobach.

I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep I didnt get everything done I wanted to do and because of that, I wouldnt sleep well.

I've come to realize that right now I am thinking that I hate this geobach. I hate the Navy for keeping us in limbo for going on 8 months. I hate the economy for keeping a buyer from purchasing my house. I hate Ohio. I miss Connecticut. I miss my friends.

I've come to realize that my dad did the best he could with what he had. I hated him for the longest time because all his time was spent on Russell. I understand now why.

I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook I spend the first 5 minutes trying to get it to update my newsfeed correctly. I hate it when they change crap on there.

I've come to realize that today will hopefully be better than yesterday. Yesterday was an overall bad day. I spent most all day yelling at Emali.

I've come to realize that tonight will be spent alone again. Yes, I have my children, but a woman can only listen to so much kidspeak before she goes insane.

I've come to realize that tomorrow might be a good day. The sun is supposed to shine! Tomorrow I want to paint the master bedroom and I need warmth to do it!

I've come to realize that I really want to win the lottery. But, I havent played it, so it's hard to win if you dont play. I just want to win enough to pay the bank off for this house so I can live with my husband again. Is that too much to ask???

I've come to realize that the person most likely to repost this is unknown to me. I really have no idea who will repost this.

I've come to realize that life is a journey. I love my life with my husband. I love that we got to pick up and move to Connecticut. That we might get to move to Texas, or Florida, or California or anywhere else because of his job.

I've come to realize that this weekend will be busy. I have TONS of projects planned. I just hope the kids cooperate and let me work on them!

I've come to realize that the best music to listen to when I'm upset are things like Metallica, Disturbed, Lady Gaga, etc. Anything that is either upbeat enough to get me dancing, or po'd enough to allow me to vent my feelings.

I've come to realize that my friends are wonderful! Whether you are a real life friend, a Facebook friend, a blog friend, or a Darkwind friend, you are awesome. You guys keep me going when I get down and I think that's great. Keep it up!

I've come to realize that this year isnt going to be the best year of my life. I'm ok with that though. I have many more years ahead of me.

I've come to realize that my husband isnt a robot. He just needs to be online and 600 miles away to express emotion. I still love him death though. He's funny, he's slightly offbeat, and he's all mine.

I've come to realize that maybe I should take better care of myself. I drink a lot of Pepsi. I eat out A LOT. I excersize (hello! P90x!) about 3 or 4 days a week, but I need to be healthier. I'm 30, not 20. My kids need me.

I've come to realize that I love plants. I love landscape design. I love getting dirty. I love digging the hole, planting the flower, spreading the mulch. I just absolutely LOVE IT. I am actually considering going back and getting a degree in horticulture.

I've come to realize that I dont understand why Eric's family is the way they are. I dont understand how my MIL could never take a chance to get to know me. I dont understand how things with Sammi went so horridly wrong. I dont understand WHY some of them have chosen one brother/son over another. I dont understand how a family that was so close can be so far apart now.

I've come to realize that my past is my past. It made me stronger. It made me who I am today.

I've come to realize that parties arent a party of my life. Never will be. I dont like most people enough to have them and I dont drink so I dont go to most ones where it's a 'kegger'.

I've come to realize that MY life is just that: mine.

2 comments :

KiwiChops May 19, 2010 at 5:56 PM  

just started this blogger thing yesterday and found your blog...reading this recent one gave me a great insight into who you might be and how your life is...Thank you for that and I will follow for sure!

blog on!

BusyBeeMummy3 August 7, 2011 at 8:29 PM  

I love you. Just saying ;)