Friday, January 27, 2012

Dear Fill-in-the-blank

FYI, this post uses graphic language. Please skip it if swear words offend you.


My friend Andrea at My Chihuahua Bites has a (now regular) feature on her blog. She's entitled it Dear Douchebag. I think it's hysterical. She writes different people and vents about the way they act, etc. Great way to vent. So, I'm going to be participating myself.


Dear Clerk at the bodyshop,

I understand that I am a woman. However, I am perfectly capable of informing you of the specifics of our truck. -= I =- was the one who was in the accident in it, not my husband. Please quit deferring all your questions to my husband.

Sincerely,
The pissed off chick with the Dodge Ram 2500

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


Dear Mother Nature,

I get it. PMS sucks, but please, please make your mind up. I'm sick of one day it being 14F with 5 inches of snow on the ground and two days later it being 53F. Make your damned mind up.


Sincerely,
The one who wants snow

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Husband,

My birthday is in a week. Don't ignore it like you did last year. Yes, even though our son's is the day after, I still deserve a birthday cake of my own.

Feeling slightly stabby,
Your wife

----------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ex-husband,

You have no clue. You've ignored your daughters since you walked out in 2005. It's now 2012. 4 visits in 7 years is pathetic. Pay your child support like you're supposed to and the IRS would stop taking your refund. Yes, the IRS. Quit blaming me for it. There are tons of other things I'd love to say to you, but I'll refrain. The girls are figuring out on their own that you're a twat waffle, I don't have to say one word about you.

So glad you're gone,
Me

--------------------------------------------------------------

Dear blog readers,

Please, leave a comment. I know you're reading. I've had 500 hits in 2 months, and ZERO comments. It's why I've mostly stopped blogging.

Not feeling the love,
(Wild) Rice

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Callie (our cat),

3 AM is not an appropriate time to launch yourself from the headboard onto my head and meow incessantly. You WILL be thrown, repeatedly.

Needs sleep,
Me


4 comments :

Stephanie January 27, 2012 at 1:01 PM  

Love, love this! I might have to do one of my own :) Thanks for making me laugh!

Gaily January 27, 2012 at 1:46 PM  

"Twat waffle" is probably the best insult I've ever heard. I enjoyed this immensely :)

Jackie Dropek January 27, 2012 at 3:17 PM  

Dear Jenn,

Thanks for guilting me into commenting.

Sincerely,
The girl who reads this on Google Reader, which makes it a pain in the ass to comment.

But I love you anyway.

Lisa January 27, 2012 at 6:32 PM  

Dear Friend,
I love your blog. Thank you for sharing.

Sincerely,
Lisa

(not meant to imply that you are a douchebag, however)