Thursday, October 18, 2012

Dear ...

-FYI, this post uses graphic language. Please skip it if swear words offend you.-

Dear Local Consumers,
       When people post a price with their item on the local buy/sell/trade site, it's because they want that price. (Or close to it). Offering someone $100 on a $500 item because 'you want it but only have $100' is offensive. When people say they're willing to take offers, they mean something close to what they're asking. No one gives a shit if you want it but can't afford it. That's life.

Seriously Pissed Off,
Local Seller

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Dear School Nurse,
       I understand that you are a registered nurse, however you are not a doctor. My son was diagnosed by a licensed neuropsychologist. That means she trumps your opinion.  I understand YOU don't think he has it, but she does. She's the one with the training to recognize it. Get the fuck over it.

Sincerely, 
Momma Bear

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Dear Local Crafter,
       Slapping a coat of flat black paint and a white star on something doesn't make it 'primitive'. Nor does it make the item worth hundreds of dollars. Slap yourself with your paintbrush and wake up. Yes, you. The one who last week bought a table for $10, then threw a coat of paint on it, called it primitive and are now charging $150.

Get A Clue,
Local Consumer

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Dear Other Women,
        Quit fucking judging me because I have 30 extra pounds, most of it around my waist. Quit fucking judging me because I wear my hair in a ponytail at all times. .... because I don't wear makeup.  .... because I don't dress up. Guess what, I'm hot to my husband and that's ALL I give a shit about. Maybe if you quit judging others, you'd be happy too.

Don't Care About Fashion,
Me

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Dear Hemi,
        I love your furry grey behind, but if you don't stop scratching the crap outta this rental house, you're going to get your fingers chopped at the knuckles. Oh, and seriously, the litter pan is 5 inches to the right. Take better aim.

Your Loving Fur Mom,
me

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Dear Bitch,
         Yes, you're a bitch. One day he'll wise up and leave your ass. 'Til then, enjoy the high life. It'll end soon enough. I'll enjoy the show.

Can't Wait 'Til Then,
Mutual Friend

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Dear Daughter of Mine,
          I love you to death, but your tweenage/teenage years are going to put me in a early grave. Enough with the attitude, lying, and backtalk. Please, be the loving girl I know you can be.

Love through it all, 
Mom

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Dear Blog Readers,
          I hope you've enjoyed this. I try not to swear to often on my blog, but I do from time to time. I cannot always warn you when a post will contain swearing, but I will try my hardest. Thank you for being an audience, even if it's only you Grandma. 

Sincerely,
(Wild) Rice

3 comments :

Grace October 18, 2012 at 8:24 PM  

Love this!!

Grace October 18, 2012 at 8:25 PM  

Love this! Just get it all out Jennifer! LOL!

Grace October 18, 2012 at 8:25 PM  

Oh, that's me...Stacey Greathouse, BTW!